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Thursday, July 9, 2015

The Small Things

I get to do a lot of cool things.
My vocabulary includes words like "shows" (plural), "UCB" (that's crazy, right?), "friends" (mine are all good looking and nice), and "work from home" (no explanation needed).
I am aware of how good things are, so hang in there with me as I get a little complain-y for a moment.

This is a stage of life where everything feels really overwhelming for me.
The word "show" to some people equals nothing but pure excitement.
To me, it is excitement, for sure, but it also means work. It means two days of Erin and I trying to squeeze an hour in to write a new script based on new songs for a show we're doing in a little over two weeks. And it's exactly the kind of work I want to be doing, but it's still work.

And that's just one project. There are scripts for web series. There's a music video. There's a sketch packet. There are short films we're developing to MAYBE one day be a full-length film. There are TV shows. There's a musical. There's a kids book. There are a lot of things. And I love them all. I'm excited that I'm in a place where they all have real potential of being real things.

Again I say, I get to do a lot of cool things. But they are cool things that take a lot of work and somedays I wonder if my little heart has the strength to do it all, you know? None of it's guaranteed. I could work and work and work and still have nothing to show for it.

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The other day it was Erin McGown's birthday.
She hates that her birthday is the 4th of July but I love it because it means I get to see so many of my favorite people as we celebrate her and then America in a week of nonstop parties.

This year she requested birthday yoga.
Our really kind friend Angela has been doing free yoga in the park with us every weekend and, let me tell you, I am not good at yoga. I am short so I can touch my toes but I have a lot of stuff going on. More stuff than is convenient when someone wants you to wrap your leg around the other leg and twist it up to your chin or something like that. It all sounds like that to me.
But I keep going because it makes me feel stronger afterwards.

Guess what? At birthday yoga, I did Crow Pose!!
That's basically where you put your knees in your armpits and then pick your feet up off the ground, balancing only on your hands. I only did it for a second, but picking my feet up off the ground had been impossible literally every other class. Have you ever had your body defy you? Have you ever wanted so badly for your body to cooperate, only for it to act like a toddler and straight up pretend you weren't speaking to it? That was my body every other yoga class til this week.

I have told EVERYONE.
I did Crow Pose! 
In the middle of all the cool things, I am most proud of that.

Last night, we had our entire Dixieland Family Band over to our house.
I made dinner because none of them are from the South and in our script we talk about hash brown casserole and THEY DIDN'T THINK IT WAS A REAL THING.
Well, I come from the land of Cracker Barrel and not only do I know it's real, but I know it's made from Heaven-clouds. But I have never made it myself. I found a recipe on Pinterest.
Pinterest can be a real shot in the dark...
But this hash brown casserole was PERFECT!

Then I lived one of my most favorite evenings:
The people I love happy and eating and talking too loud and more eating.
People reaching over the table and eating off each other's plates.
It's my Heaven.

So here are my small things that mean everything right now:
1. Crow Pose
2. Making my first, real hash brown casserole

I am so proud of both those things. Like, absurdly proud.
Because it's always the small things.
I mean, the big things are cool too. But big things can be so ethereal.
They can be all about timing. They can be about the way the wind is blowing.
They can require your blood, sweat and tears and still give you nothing.

Those small things, though.
Sometimes they're all the effort your little heart can muster after all your blood, sweat and tears are mostly gone. And in the middle of the Silverlake Reservoir on a standard Thursday morning, you put your knees in your armpits after trying 5 weeks in a row and failing to get even one toe off the ground. And finally you do.
Then you throw a party because your little heart did good.

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