Saturday, April 21, 2012

Sunday Mornings

Occasionally I start to get overwhelmed with the details of my life,
which is more often than I'm proud of because I'm a crazy person.
Is this my life?
Is this my career?
Is Nashville where I'll live?
What if none of my ideas are good ideas?
What if my plans never come to fruition?
What if I never get married?
What if I never have kids?
What if this is it?
Should I be happy right here?
Am I just being a whiney baby who doesn't know how good she has it?
Am I supposed to be working toward something else?
Who is saving the orphans in Africa right now, since I am currently wasting my time writing this and now wasting your time by asking you to read it?

It gets worse.
Sometimes I have horrible visions of meteors crashing into the earth, or of the Mothman.
Man, I'm afraid of the Mothman.
I start to freak out.

This is a picture of my feet.
The other foot belongs to my pastor.
He probably doesn't know I took this picture (and it's probably for the better because I looked pretty creepy doing it) but this was from Easter Sunday.
The true story is I sit next to him most every Sunday because my job requires it.
But this means that for more Sundays than not, I've stood next to Mike Glenn for worship, prayer times, small children playing violins, you name it.
While other people are sitting with their families or their Sunday school classes, I'm down on the front left pew next to the pastor.

Now how does this relate to my crippling Mothman fears?
Here's how:
Sometimes I start to get carried away by the rush of questions I can't answer.
I don't know what the heck I'm doing with my life, honestly, and that makes me have panic attacks.
And then I remember that on Sunday, I'm going to sit next to my pastor.
In a church with 8,000 members and more than 100 staff serving an even bigger community known as Brentwood, me.
I don't know why, but it's true.
I am a crazy girl from Florida who really loves Harry Potter and could eat her weight in Peeps.
I don't exactly know why I'm in Nashville, much less how I've been able to stay alive for going on 4 years. I don't know why I changed my major to Hospitality Management from Film and got involved with planning events. I don't know how I have the friends that I have. I don't know who convinced me to go to such a big church when I clearly didn't like them.
Other than God.
He makes the plans and whether it makes sense to me or not, here I am.
Whether I want to every day or not.
Qualified or not.
Logical or not.

So maybe I can relax a little bit.
There are lots of questions I want the answers to, but I've seen over and over again that it's all being taken care of.
Sometimes I get answers to questions I didn't even think to ask.
Maybe when I start to ask questions about the future,
I need to take a minute to take in the answers I'm getting to all the questions I had so long ago.
And if anyone needs me tomorrow, I'll be the one on the front left pew, next to the guy you're waiting to hear speak.
And the next Sunday? Who knows. But definitely tomorrow.


Mikeel said...

my questions aren't so different from yours.
bless you, MeLissa! :)

NiTasha said...

i needed that so much. thanks!