Monday, January 2, 2012


Man, I love Marc Johns

Somethin' filled up my heart with nothin', someone told me not to cry.
But now that I'm older, my heart's colder, And I can see that it's a lie.
"Wake Up" by Arcade Fire

Do you ever feel like an empty shell?
I was talking with my wonderful friend Julia a couple of weeks ago and one of us said,
"I'm counting on God to provide the joy because right now I'm in the desert and I'm just trying to be faithful and keep walking. Right now, I'm just walking."
I've thought about that so much recently, because that's what I feel like.
Like I'm just walking. And trudging. Not joyfully.
Just trying my darndest to make it to the other side.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you.
Psalm 51:12 NLT

Psalm 51 is my favorite Psalm.
Here's a tip- read it out loud to yourself in the Message version. It'll make you cry.
"Restore to me the joy of your salvation."
It's something I've been thinking about recently- joy.
My lack of it.
Where it comes from. Where it goes.
And praying that God would send me an overflow because right now it feels gone.
Gone for a lot reasons I know of, probably a few I don't.
But I realize that joy fuels my work, and my writing and my ability to love others.
So I really need it back.

Turn and answer me, O LORD my God! Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
Psalm 13:3 NLT

So my prayer today, on January 2nd, is that it comes back.
That my motivation would come back.
That the sparkle in my eyes comes back, or I will die.
I mean, joy is a pretty serious thing.
And now, Page CXVI singing my heart:


NiTasha said...

girl. you are speaking my heart so much right now. thanks for this.

Laura Marie Swofford said...

I love this. I think we all go through blah times where the daily grind becomes a chore and we aren't able to find happiness in the things that used to make us once so happy. Such a great post and something we can all relate to. Love Page CXVI, and especially that song. When I saw them live on my birthday in October, she talked about how a lot of people had complained about the song because it sounded anything but joyous, but that's the true irony of it all. Sometimes we are searching for the joy in our life in the earthly things and we find ourselves never satisfied. But all the while, God is right there in front of us and all we have to do is put our faith in him. Keep your head up :)

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart"