|Being in love can be hard work.|
I've had plenty of occasion recently to think about love and it's probably because everyone I know is falling right in. On that note, here are three things I've learned from three ladies about starting relationships.
- Dating is not like shopping for cars. Pretty much anybody with an XX chromosomal combination has made a list at one point or another for the things they want in the person they marry. If their list was anything like my list, it included things like "cool shoes" or "cute hair". Some girls shop for boys like they would a car- which one comes with the most benefits.
"This one got me flowers."
"This one got me flowers and chocolate."
"This one got me flowers, chocolate and gold bars!"
Dating like you're picking out cars disconnects you from what really matters in a relationship. It also insinuates that you can always just trade up for a newer model. If you don't like the green SUV, just get a red SUV. Upgrade to a model with automatic locks and windows when you have a little more money in a few years. Yikes. I don't want to be anyone's Mazda before they trade up to a Range Rover. Instead ask things like:
-Are we on the same page when it comes to beliefs and morals?
-Does he challenge me?
-Does he laugh with me?
-Does he have two brain cells to rub together?
-Will he notice if I'm dead and/or dying?
Do you like the kid or not? Whether he's wearing Chucks or Skechers will matter less and less.
- Don't let the past make you afraid of the future. Unfortunately there are more chumps out there than there should be. Sometimes there are great guys who do dumb things. I'm pretty much perfect and have yet to make a mistake in my life, but I hear it sucks... While it's good to learn from the past, it would be unfair to punish your new love for the crimes of past loves. If your last boyfriend was untrustworthy, going all Mission Impossible and wire tapping an apartment isn't the answer. Stifling your new boyfriend won't help anything. In fact, your psychosis will only be proven. So, if you have an insecurity, it's fair to talk it through and let him be on the same page. Don't let it be your excuse.
- Sometimes you gotta cut the cord. Sometimes the guy's just a chump.
"It's okay that he makes me pay for everything. He has to get his full body tattoo filled in."
"I'm hoping he'll eventually tell his parents we're dating."
"He does drugs."
Cut the cord and run as fast as possible. If the running helps the decision stick, then run, girl. Don't regret it. This dude is going to be your teammate. He's supposed to be your spiritual leader. If he's not on board, don't regret moving on and waiting for the boy who is ready and knows what he wants.
Go out there. Let love happen. (And run if you need to.)