Sunday, December 19, 2010

Prone to Wander

“What if God in all his might is simply waiting to show his power in a people who turn their backs on a philosophy of life that exalts their supposed ability to do anything they want and instead confess their desperate need for him?
” -Radical pg. 54

I love the hymn “Come Thou Fount”. Usually, words like “thou” or “fount” are red flags that this song is 1 million years old and probably way off from being anything Rihanna would use as a single. But this song, love. And the last verse is always a guaranteed a karate chop to the face.

“Let they grace, Lord, like a fetter, bind my wand’ring heart to Thee.
 Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love”

I mean, that’s the truth of the matter. I am prone to wander. For me, faith is just as much about believing that God is big enough to hold on to me. I'm well aware of how I am all over the place. It’s a big job. I’m a hurricane.

When I read that passage from Radical, I thought “what if I talked less about all the dreams and ideas and ‘big things’ that came into my mind at any given moment and instead talked about how desperately I needed the Lord?” Borrowing a phrase from Jon Acuff, that could be one giant Jesus Juke. I mean, dreams and passions and desires are part of what God built into the foundation of me. I’d like to think God gets just as much laughter out of hearing the word “fart” as I do. I think He understands my desire to write good things, to do good work, to make an impact, because He wants to use me as a light in a dark place. But I know me. I know how easy it is for me to get the ball rolling and, before you know it, I’m halfway to Minneapolis with the clothes on my back and $5 in my pocket. “God, why have you forsaken me?! How did I end up in Minneapolis?! Surely no one could CHOOSE to be in a place like Minneapolis!”

The truth of the matter is that I am in constant need of God. I need Him to hang on to me. Given the opportunity, I’m sure I would run my life right off a cliff chasing after something I thought was good. I need him to be the solid ground when everything seems shaky and uneven. I need him to love me when it feels like no one else does. I need him to remind me that some things don’t matter, and that some things do. I need him to show me which is which.

Prone to wander.

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