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Monday, August 9, 2010

Coming off the hill.

This is John Mark McMillan telling the story behind his song "How He Loves." Watch it. 


"...I felt that I really needed some sort of... I needed to have some sort of conversation with God cause I was really, really frustrated. I felt like there were some things I needed to say. So that's what I would do through the music and that's really a lot of where the song "How He Loves" came out of was I needed these words. I needed this conversation."


This July has honestly been the second hardest period of my entire life.
I felt like a pissed-off Jonah sitting on the hill after all of Nineveh's been spared, but I wasn't mad because He was sparing an entire city.
I was mad for a lot of other reasons.
I was mad that He was making me sit there.
I was mad that I was mad.
I was mad that He wasn't answering me.
I was mad that He was making me deal with everything at once.
I was mad because I wanted to know the point already.
I was mad that I was STILL up there on that damn hill.


"In my anger, in my resentment, and in my frustration, He can still love me through that... He wasn't offended at the fact that I was angry at God."


I was fighting so hard to get off the hill...
the hill where God was sitting next to me...
the hill where God was listening to me cry...
the hill where God was healing my broken heart...
the hill where God was giving me His full attention...
...that hill was where I wanted to be.


"The love I'm singing about in that song is really, is not a pretty, clean, it's not a Hollywood, hot pink love. It's a kind of love that's willing to love things that are messy and willing to love even the difficult and sort of, you know, kind of gross kind of things."


I love knowing I'm made in the image of God, knowing He's angry and jealous and passionate and creative and likes to sing at the top of His lungs in the car. I love thinking about how He's madly in love with me, a hurricane in love with me. How can I be sad? How can I want anything else? I will spend the rest of my life doing ugly things and not loving people well and chasing after things that don't matter, but He will always be jealous for me. Man, that literally takes my breath away.


"This song isn't a celebration of weakness and anger. It's a celebration of a God who would want to hang with us through those things, who would want to be a part of our lives through those thing. And despite who we are, He would want to be a part of us and be a part of our community and be a part of our family and that's the kind of love I think I'm talking about."


Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
Lamentations 3:22

2 comments:

NiTasha said...

cried.

lydia. said...

this is my life.

i am blessed by your wisdom and friendship!