Friday, July 30, 2010

Though Hell Is Here Today

...Hope is on it's way.

That feeling of being so close and still missing the point by a mile.
That feeling of not being able to stop yourself from continuing to dig that hole you're in.
That feeling of waking up somewhere and having no clue where you are because you forgot you were on a trip and that you are currently in a hotel room in the dead center of Nebraska and you don't know where the bathroom is, or how to figure out where the light over your bed is?


I've just felt crummy lately. And I know the promises of God- to be my hope, to be my light, to be my salvation.
But right now I'm just Jonah sitting on the hill,
obviously still missing the point.
I don't want to be Jonah but there's a weird comfort in allowing yourself to be swallowed up by all your anger and sadness and confusion...Wait. Why am I not supposed to like this again?

Francis Chan says this in "Forgotten God"...

And like our Savior, who poured out His life and blood
so we have reason to rejoice,
we were made to lay down our lives and give until it hurts. 
We are most alive when we are loving and actively giving of ourselves
because we were made to do these things. 
It is when we live like this that the Spirit of God moves and acts
in and through us in ways that on our own we are not capable of.
This is our purpose for living. 
This is our hope. 
"And hope does not put us to shame, because
God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us" (Rom 5:5).

Hope does not put us to shame.
--Think about that.--
God's love POURED into my heart.
"Poured" as in, filling it up, no withholding.
For that, I'd trade it all.


NiTasha said...

girl. i feel like you've just held up a mirror to myself for much of the past year. that has been one of my anchors in the midst of these wild storms. 'hope does not put us to shame'. i mostly want to wrap my arms around you. praying. :)

MeLissa said...

Oh NiTasha. I read your blog this morning and it broke my heart and then I saw your comment on this one. You're such a brave, honest conveyor of emotion in what you write.

We're praying together. Hope will not put us to shame.

Kaiti Carpenter said...

I am there. I needed to hear this. You are beautiful and eloquent. Thank you for being a friend.