Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Learning About Love - Pt. III

(click for sources, dawg)

Me: When do their problems come first, and when is enough enough?
Neil Hoppe: Everyday. They come first everyday.

This week's lesson: UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
Here's the thing about love- be prepared to look like an idiot.
Because you're going to love people who do dumb things.
...they're going to say dumb things.
...they're going to be a rampant name dropper.
...they're going to have no social thermometer.
...they're going to think "Chicken of the Sea" is real chicken.
...they're going to like Nickelback.
And you don't want people to think you're dumb too, right?

It pains me to admit...
It's my inclination to throw your stupidity in your face.
It makes me feel not as dumb.
I'm going to keep a mental note of all the ways you fail so I can remind myself later that I'm not so bad.
It gives me a good reason to distance myself, because I don't want to look like an idiot, too.
You're so needy. I have stuff to do.
I don't have to take this.

Shifting gears slightly for the moment:
One day, some boy is going to be very lucky, because living with roommates is like living with a practice spouse, and I'll have hopefully gotten through the basic battles. Even moreso, I live with my best friend, which means we sometimes go for blood when we fight.

I like to keep my room somewhat organized.
Erin's room looks like a clothing bomb exploded in there.
I can spend weeks planning.
Erin will deal with it when it's time.
When it came to boys, I found them guilty til proven innocent.
Erin found them innocent til proven guilty.
I have to talk through a fight.
Erin has to take time apart after a fight.
I hate being the dependable one.
Erin hates being the crazy one.

That's just a short list of how we're different and on any given day, one or both of us can be experiencing a bevy of emotion, whether related to work or love-related or dealing with an insecurity or sin.
There are some days where our insecurities have a head on collision.

Real Life Story
We're making headbands at Art Club.
I'm running late so I'm frustrated.
I flatly tell her some things I'd change about the headband she made.
She feels like I don't think she's doing a good job.
She feels inadequate so she gets mad and won't talk to me anymore.
Now I'm mad because she's being mean.
She's saying nothing's wrong which is obviously not the case.
I'm mad because I feel like she's being unfair & I'm being lied to.

Who has to approach the other one first?
Who has to give in first?
Who has to understand that the other one is going through something?

This is going to be everyday for the rest of your life.
With husbands, wives, family, friends, anybody you care about.
Every day it will be choosing to love them regardless of their love for Nickelback.
It means loving them though you know that person finds solace in who they know or who they're related to. And sometimes you can see the battle on the horizon. You know it's going to be tough, having to walk through these battles with one another, but unconditional love is not being afraid of it.

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
-Romans 5:6-8

While we were still sinners?
Yes. While we were nowhere close to deserving it,
while we were at our worst,
when we couldn't care less,
Christ set the example of unconditional love.
And He's classy- never holding it over Your head. Gone, as far as the East is from the West.

So who has to give in first?
Me. It should always be me.
And that will severely challenge my pride and my sense of justice.
It will battle with my need to be right.
I might look really dumb.
Especially in this age where Facebook and Twitter has expanded the many ways to be passive aggressive, you have hundreds of ways to let someone know you're done with them.

That is love without conditions.
Think about it for a second.


I don't get to give up because I don't like your unicorn t-shirt, or that you cuss, or that you require my focused attention or that everyone thinks you're prettier.
I don't have to announce those conditions to everyone
"Yeah, I know she's really rude, but..."
"Yeah, I know he watches a lot of Titans football, but..."
"Yeah, he's a conversation killer, but..."

Just love.
No conditions.
This might be the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
But here goes nothing.
I love you.

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