Monday, July 13, 2009

He is jealous for me.

He is jealous for me.
He loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind & mercy.

Today this was the song stuck in my head all day. This has been an interesting week. This weekend was a make-it-or-break-it weekend. Every day I have the opportunity to live out my own best interests and selfishness. I have the choice to let my flesh and what's easy do the talking.

But these words reminded me that it's not about how much I get frustrated by this inconvenience or this unfairness. I get so zoned in on what I have and don't have. I get so caught up in who loves who and who doesn't love who. I have to be better. Funnier. Smarter. Thinner. Prettier.

And that is not what the Lord requires of me at all.
He is jealous for me.

I am learning to have faith.
And I am learning to believe and trust in the few things I know to be true.
And I am learning that so much doesn't matter in comparison.

Oh, how He loves us.

Man, that blows my mind.
He is jealous for ME.
Just think about that a second.

Why? It doesn't even make sense.
But He is and everything points to this being true.
It makes everything else seem so irrelevant.
It makes my impatience with how quickly I get reports and receipts from our road manager seem so pointless.
It makes sadness over things working out or not working out such an obvious waste of time.

I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way

He love us so.

So my heart is broken tonight for a lot of reasons,
but I think it's in a good way.
I think He's been waiting a long time for me to catch a glimpse of something bigger and I'm hoping that I might start to catch on, even if it's just glimpse.

If His grace is an ocean,
We're all sinking.

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