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Thursday, April 2, 2009

I wanna be more.

How to be eloquent?

Right now I am seeing how blessed I am to have opportunities to be creative. To try. To be adventurous. It is way crazy.

But it also brings out the ugly side.
I don't know that I get to fully enjoy one thought without something creeping in.
Jealousy. Pride. Anxiety. Fear. Doubt. Greed.
Those things follow freedom.
Those follow the things you love because there will always be the temptation to take those loves and ruin them. And then what do you have? Nothing.

It makes me think about the person I want to be.
More, it makes me think about the person I want people to say I am.




I want people to say I was patient.
That I didn't demand the spotlight.

I want people to say that I was brave and focused.

I want people to say that I let my imagination do the talking.

I want people to say that they saw the fruits of the spirit in me.
I want people to say that I exhibited gentleness.
That you'd never hear an ill-word come out of my mouth about someone else.

I want people to say my words matched my actions.

That "love & concern for others" was one of my memorable qualities.

I never want people to say that I had to be right at all costs.

I want people to say I was a thinker.

I want people to say they never felt torn down by me.
I want people to say I made days better rather than worse for them.

I NEVER want people to say I loved the sound of my own voice.

I want people to use words like "genuine" or "authentic" when they describe me.


*****************************
And I am not all of these things.
And I am not all of these things everyday.
God, I want the chance to turn this around.
I want the opportunity to make this the case.
And even more than that, I want it to be real in my heart.
Not just reality based on what I show people.
I want these things to be true of me everyday.

1 comment:

leslie said...

i look up to you.