Sunday, February 8, 2009

He's Just Not That Into You.

Between last night and this morning's church service, I feel like I'm finally ready to write my book.

Here's the premise:

The beginning of "He's Just Not That Into You" depicts the classic situation of the young girl and boy on the playground. He pushes her down and calls her horrible names. The heartbroken young girl runs crying to her mother who tells her daughter that the little boy likes her. This is where is starts.

It's a lie
and an unnecessary one. The mother could've told her daughter the truth. There was no need to paint the young man in a better light. She could've explained that the boy was a jerk that would hopefully grow out of it one day, which would've still preserved the young girl's self esteem. Instead, the daughter is set on the path of misinterpreting boy signals to read them so it always appears that boys never reject them, they only are denying their untapped feelings.

Girls are bad about overanalyzing and reading into things.
Christian girls? WORSE.


So that was last night. This morning in Sunday school, I looked around to notice our co-ed class, taught by a guy, has become a girls only class. Pretty much all girls. Where are the boys? They're busy sleeping and getting girlfriends.

In middle school and high school, youth groups are taught to pursue godliness, to 'kiss dating goodbye'. Girls are taught that a godly guy is going to snatch them up for these amazing qualities, their commitment to faith, their spiritual maturity.

Here's the truth: it doesn't matter.

I mean, they might care eventually, but it really doesn't impact anything until after they've decided they like you. Sometimes.

Show me the boy who fell in love with a girl because he was so moved by her commitment to have daily quiet times. And then show me the same scenario where the girl isn't Heidi Klum. I know, even MORE difficult than the first scenario (which is still pretty tough even when she is Heidi Klum).

Because the thing is boys will get behind anything that means spending time with the girl they like- yoga, sunday school, joining a mime ministry (!)(yes, they exist!). The likelihood of them liking you BECAUSE you are part of a mime ministry, slim to none.

So, today I feel like a kid who just figured out that Santa doesn't exist. I feel like I found out the secret that True Love Waits and all those ridiculous Christian teen dating books forgot to mention- boys don't care. Sad or not, it's better to know. Girls, don't be crazy, just re-focus. That's the premise behind "He's Just Not That Into You" and I think we should get on board here in chuch world.

Tonight I stopped by the Starbucks drive-through with Erin and I saw a boy I know who was working there. Now, it's important to note that I've spent enough time with him to warrant friendly conversation i.e.- he rode with me from Alabama to Florida, we spent an evening chatting with a group of folks, we've worked together on occasion on several projects. He is a Christian guy. He didn't remember my name.

Now I don't want to date him or marry him or even spend extended amounts of time with him. But he couldn't even remember my name. Still.

Erin: Maybe he's just not good with names?
Still? At this point, he's shown me he sees no value in knowing my name.

These are the boys that Christian girls are trying to develop godly qualities for to one day marry and be a good partner? Really?

And trust me, I know there are good ones out there. You're probably reading this and thinking "she's being really unfair." You could be right. I know some good ones who are awesome. But I also think I'm being pretty dead on with a lot of boys.

So get ready, because gentlemen, your cat's out of the bag and I'M TELLING EVERYBODY!

Secrets like:
  • it's unfair to idealize Christian boys. They are still boys.
  • they are just as likely to lead you on.
  • they don't care how many verses of Proverbs you read this morning.
  • it doesn't make a difference that you want to be a missionary in Africa, unless they like you and are also wanting to be a missionary in Africa.
  • God's only plan for your life does not revolve around you getting married.
  • insights from real-life husbands and marriage secrets

And know that I'm not writing this as an angry girl. I'm writing this as a girl who is glad she figured it out. I'm writing this as a girl who has a new approach to talking to young girls about what to expect. Insights from "He's Just Not That Into You" completely took some women by surprise. MY book is going to be even more ridiculous.

-I know the same truth could be said about girls.
-I'm not saying that mariage is a lie.
-I'm not saying Christian boys are all jerks.
-I know not all boys are ridiculous.

Now I'm afraid to post this because I'm sure someone out there will have plenty of room to crush this entire post. Oh well, the truth hurts.


leslie said...

i'd like to pre-order a copy.
is that doable?

also. i agree. boys are the ones that are supposed to be pursuing, and helping us protect our hearts...but we've been taught since birth that there is nothing wrong with us, so it's hard for us to believe that he might just not like us.

you are wise.
i'm ready to start reading.

word verification: in, "would you like to hapsupa with me sometime?"

gschof said...

so many truths.

the truth does hurt.

the truth also sets us free.

this is a very, very good thing.

Allison Drew said...

Okay. I didn't know we were all under the impression that boys liked us because we love Jesus, have quiet times, do yoga, want to go to africa, etc.

I think girls need to have enough confidence in themselves to say it's okay if a guy just isn't into them. And just because a girl and guy don't work out, it doesn't mean anything is wrong with either of them. If there really is only one guy for us... then there's a lot of guys out there that aren't for us.

However, you are so right, I do think christian girls need some sort of a wake up call. Just because a boy says he loves Jesus, it doesn't mean he's your soul mate.

MeLissa said...

Know that I agree. This really is less a bash on boys and moreso directed at misdirected gals.

These are the gals who will, for example, one day grow up and join the infamous "Good Wives Club".

Maybe a better title for my book would be: Dispelling Christian Dating Myths, or I'm 12 Years Old and I Just Met My Husband at Church Camp. It should be chock full of comedy and anecdotes.

Allison Drew said...

I'm 12 Years Old and I Just Met My Husband at Church Camp.


Molly said...

I feel like you need your love tank filled. You need a molly hug dont you MeLissa??

:) Actually, your honesty was refreshing and it made me laugh like only you can. AND your thoughts made me think about the ways that I've maybe put unrealistic hopes or expectations on guys.

I feel more hardcore now. Like I can face the world and see it in a new light.

:) LOooove you!!

Angela said...

My friends and I went to see the movie last Saturday and we all came away with this new view on the world.

Have you seen it? The new view can be summed up with the scene where Gigi tears up the guys business card (and the convo she has with him right before she does).

It's an empowerment to call Bull**** and move on.

It feels good.

Adriene said...

I liken boys to cab drivers. unless their 'light is on', they wont pick you up. But once that light flips the switch, they pick up the next thing they see.