Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I was broken.

How did we get here? I thought I knew you so well.

To the folks in my life with broken hearts today:

Know that it pains me so much to know you guys are all across America and that your hearts are hurting today. There are never good words to say to someone when plans don't work out and trusts are broken. There is nothing I can promise or do that will make things better and that is a helpless place to be.

The truth is hiding in your eyes and it's hanging on your tongue
Just boiling in my blood
But you think that I can't see
What kind of man that you are,
If you're a man at all.

My encouragement is horrible:
You just have to make it to tomorrow.
You got to hang in there.
There isn't any explanation.
Maybe boys are dumb.
Maybe this boy got a word from the Lord.
Maybe it's not the right time.
Maybe it's not the right boy.
I don't like that people always go right to the thought that something must be wrong with them.

And if you're a girl (or boy) like me, you immediately go to the frozen plains of Ice Queen City and you tuck your heart away and indifference rules your life.
This is not a good option either.

Why'd you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to ya'?

Why'd you sing with me at all?

Love is scary because it's not one of those things you can assure people is going to come through. You can't promise people that they won't end up a lonely spinster. You can't promise that the love of their life is going to wake up and figure out they love them too. And today you can't promise that they won't wake up in thirty years with four kids, a mortgage and their spouse saying they just don't feel like being married any more. It's a dangerous game.

I've seen you cry way too many times
When you deserve to be alive.

Again, I normally don't write anything too personal here. But know that the only relationship I have ever been in was a big growing and learning experience. I learned a lot about myself, about someone else, about loving someone else. And when it came apart, there was a lot of my life that I didn't want to discuss with anyone. Not my best friends, not my mom, not the Creator of the Universe.

I was broken for a long time.
But it's over now.

It wasn't until this summer that I had to deal with a lot of this mess- not the break up part of things. The part where I trust God with my future and the husband He might have out there, and the direction for my life and the kind of girl I want to be.

I know it's hard to be brave right now. And this blog isn't very well written. I'm tacking on a letter I sent to a friend who is very precious to me. The same goes for the handful of you.

I just wanted to send you something in writing so you can have it if you are feeling sadder than sad.

I am not sorry for you, because I think you are being very brave. I'm not sorry for you because I think you are doing all you can do, and handling everything with grace. I'm not sorry for you because, even if a boy
(or girl) can't get his act together, it in no way reduces your amazingness.

I adore you, and I'm sad with you, but I am in no way sad for you.

I love you! MeLissa

It's still true.

(BTW- Thanks to Paramore, Damien Rice & Marcus Foster for your knock-out lyrics)


leslie said...

you seriously blow my mind.
i cried while reading.
love.Love.LOVE. you.

Allison Drew said...

Hey, I like that letter.

Emory said...

Thank you. What would I do without you?

Katie Ro said...

what a blessing you are. Thank you so much for that sweet sister. Sighs and tears were released throughout.