Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Never Trust A Man With Just A Mustache

I have a few life rules.

One of them is "Never take the word of a person with clean converse."

Why? You ask?

Because everyone buys Converse nowadays. But how do you know the people who really wear them? The ones wearing Converse that actually look worn. You can't take the word of a trendster right off the bat.

But this really is secondary to a more important rule:

Never trust a man with just a mustache.

Here are some examples of some mustaches....

Remember the pictures of your dad? When he was awesome? He had a mustache because everyone awesome had a mustache. And where are those awesome people now? Who knows. Nothing good comes of a mustache.

The Crust-ache (pronouced "crust-ash") is a particularly nasty breed of mustache. Commonly referred to as the "molest-ache", this brand of facial hair is a favorite of creepy lurkers. And, incidentally, middle school boys.

The Asian Delight is the mustache used when movies are depicting anyone who is from not black or white, especially prevalent in kung-fu movies. Highly stereotypical, somewhat true.

The Pringles Can mustache is an American favorite. It might be one of the friendlier species of mustache, but the Pringles man still is known for being different. Chips in a can? Who does that? It is uncertain as to whether or not this mustache actually occurs in nature.

Recently I found these pictures taken this summer describing the horrors of mustaches. Why would we do that? Because mustaches were popping up everywhere.

"Are they really that bad?" you ask.
I don't know. Are they?

You be the judge.


Allison Drew said...

Yes. I hope you use that mustache goblet.

MeLissa said...

And my mustache business card holder. Everyday.

Allison Drew said...

Pearl is going to be a mustache for halloween.

Anonymous said...

we here in the mountains love beards. Though the mustache alone can be a feat to overcome... the beard? Ah, the beard is glorious. Check it out:,29307,1658835_1439509,00.html

Allison Drew said...

I too am a fan of the beard.

Kyle said...

You forgot one...